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Author
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Topic: My Joke Book
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Jokie Smurf
Jokie Smurf22 / Chloette / Elton John Smurf / My dog Padfoot
Member # 4119
Member Rated:
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posted 12-06-2011 05:08 PM
I know that this isn't smurf themed but I made a joke book and I wanted to share it with you (maybe the username jokie smurf22 does fit me). ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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When people say giving is better than receiving they are talking about me. Giving someone one of my exploding presents is WAY better than receiving one. ;)
Posts: 2871 | From: New Orleans, Louisiana, USA | Registered: Nov 2011
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Jokie Smurf
Jokie Smurf22 / Chloette / Elton John Smurf / My dog Padfoot
Member # 4119
Member Rated:
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posted 12-06-2011 05:11 PM
Here is the first part of my joke book
Part 1
Jokes from the Periodic Table of the Elements
Q: Which of the elements is a
Vehicle?
A: Car-Bon.
Q: Which of the elements are planets?
A: Mercury, Neptunium, and Pluto-nium.
Q: Which of the elements is a famous scientist?
A: Einstein-ium
Q: Which of the elements goes to Hollywood often?
A: Californium
Q: Which of the elements is boring?
A: Boron
Q: Which of the elements is attractive?
A: Magnesium
Q: Which of the elements is a true American?
A: Americium
Q: Which of the elements watches the show Law and Order?
A: Law-rencium
Q: Which of the elements is from Europe?
A: Europium
Q: Which of the elements cooks soup?
A: Pot-assium
Q: Which of the elements is worth 5 cents?
A: Nickel
Q: Which element is a technician?
A: Tech-netium
Q: Which element uses Google Chrome as its browser?
A: Chromium
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When people say giving is better than receiving they are talking about me. Giving someone one of my exploding presents is WAY better than receiving one. ;)
Posts: 2871 | From: New Orleans, Louisiana, USA | Registered: Nov 2011
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Amy Sue Smurfette
Nurturer Smurf / The Odd Smurf
Member # 4050
Member Rated:
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posted 12-06-2011 05:26 PM
haha nice Jokie Smurf22 ;-)
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we're all someone's little fangirl.
Posts: 903 | From: fah fah aweeey... | Registered: Oct 2011
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Jokie Smurf
Jokie Smurf22 / Chloette / Elton John Smurf / My dog Padfoot
Member # 4119
Member Rated:
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posted 12-06-2011 06:02 PM
Thanx nurturer smurf
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When people say giving is better than receiving they are talking about me. Giving someone one of my exploding presents is WAY better than receiving one. ;)
Posts: 2871 | From: New Orleans, Louisiana, USA | Registered: Nov 2011
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Jokie Smurf
Jokie Smurf22 / Chloette / Elton John Smurf / My dog Padfoot
Member # 4119
Member Rated:
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posted 12-06-2011 06:07 PM
Here is the second part of my joke book
Part 2
A bunch of random jokes squeezed into one part
Q: If there is one horse in a meadow and one horse in a stable, which horse is singing don’t fence me in?
A: None of them, Horses don’t sing.
Doctor: So, what's your problem?
Patient: I think I'm a chicken.
Doctor: How long has this been going on?
Patient: Ever since I was an egg!
Panda Joke
A Panda walks up to a bar, he orders his food, and when he’s done with his food he pulls out a gun and starts shooting everywhere (but doesn’t hit anyone), then he leaves. Then a guy that works there runs out and says “Why did you do that?” and the panda handed him a nature guide and said
“Skip to page 54.” So the guy skips to page 54 and reads: Panda, native to China, eats, shoots, and leaves.
Q: What do you call a stolen Hershey bar?
A: Hot Chocolate.
Q: How do elephants have such a good memories?
A: They have a trunk full of memories.
Q: How do you know if an
elephant is under your bed?
A: Your nose will touch the ceiling.
Man: "Doctor, I've stopped being able to remember things!"
Doctor: "When did this start?"
Man: "When did what start?"
Q: How do you get an elephant to fit in a refrigerator?
A: Open the door and push him in.
Q: How do you get a giraffe to fit into a refrigerator?
A: Open the door, take out the elephant, and push him in.
Q: If all the animals are having a meeting in heaven, which animal won’t be there?
A: The giraffe, he is in the refrigerator.
Q: Which fish goes to Hollywood?
A: The star-fish
Q: Which fish is most precious?
A: The gold-fish
Q: How do you pay for it?
A: With sand-dollars
Q: Why are fish so smart?
A: They live in schools.
Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A: Fsh
Q: Why did the fish cross the road?
A: To get to the other tide.
Q: What does a fish become when it goes to heaven?
A: An Angel-fish
Q: What is the difference between an elephant and a plumb?
A: The color.
Q: What did Tarzan say when the elephants were coming?
A: The elephants are coming!
Q: What did Jane say when the
elephants were coming?
A: Here come the plumbs! She was color blind.
Polar Bear Joke
A polar bear walks into a brown bears cave and looks at the brown bear and says “Did you get a tan or something?”
Q: What do dogs have that no other animal has?
A: Puppy dogs.
Q: What is a dog’s favorite food?
A: Anything on your plate.
Q: What is the only dog you can eat?
A: Hot dogs.
Q: What has two humps and is in the North Pole?
A: A lost camel.
Q: What kind of phone does the ocean have?
A: A shell-phone.
Q: Where do you find hippos?
A: That depends where you left them.
Q: What do you get if you mix a rabbit with a snake?
A: A jump rope.
Q: Where do penguins keep their money?
A: Snow-banks.
There once was a baby who wanted milk. So he went to his mom and asked her for milk; she said I'm too busy go ask your dad. He goes to his dad and says "I want milk" and his dad says I'm too busy go ask your sister. So he goes and asks his sister who was listening to music and she said get lost. So he goes into the basement and says "I want milk." A ghost appears and says I am the ghost with one black eye. The baby
repeats himself and says "I want milk." The ghost then says I am the ghost with one black eye. The baby yells "I want milk." The ghost repeats himself for the third time saying I am the ghost with one black eye. The baby says "You better give me milk or you'll the ghost with two black eyes."
Q: What do you call a snake that builds things?
A: A Boa Constructor.
Q: What is an ape’s favorite cookie?
A: Chocolate chimp.
I'm tired of dumb blonde jokes. So I learned every state and its capital. Just ask me one. Ok. California. Yes California. And its capital is c. Now ask me another. Florida. Its capital is f.
A: Because he was a paw-paw.
Q: What do you call a sleeping cow?
A: A bull-dozer.
Q: How do crazy people go through the forest?
A: They take the pshyco path!
Q: How do chickens wake up in the morning?
A: They use an alarm cluck.
Two cows wanted to go into town but they both wanted to drive. The first cow got in the driver's seat.
The second cow leaned over and said "Moooove over".
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When people say giving is better than receiving they are talking about me. Giving someone one of my exploding presents is WAY better than receiving one. ;)
Posts: 2871 | From: New Orleans, Louisiana, USA | Registered: Nov 2011
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Jokie Smurf
Jokie Smurf22 / Chloette / Elton John Smurf / My dog Padfoot
Member # 4119
Member Rated:
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posted 12-06-2011 06:13 PM
Sorry the A. Because he was a Paw-Paw thing in there was a mistake.
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When people say giving is better than receiving they are talking about me. Giving someone one of my exploding presents is WAY better than receiving one. ;)
Posts: 2871 | From: New Orleans, Louisiana, USA | Registered: Nov 2011
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Jokie Smurf
Jokie Smurf22 / Chloette / Elton John Smurf / My dog Padfoot
Member # 4119
Member Rated:
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posted 12-08-2011 10:05 AM
Here is the third and final part of my book:
(Please note that everything in this section really happened to me)
My Bathroom Startle
One time I was in a sea-food restraunt in the ladies
bathroom, I wanted to check if I had any food on my face, but
the mirror was a little too high
so I stood on my tip toes (I didn’t notice that there was an automatic towel dispenser right there on the side of me) and then some towels shot out at the side of my face. I was kind of startled by that.
My Puppy Adventure
One time, it was my dad’s
birthday and we had just had
Breakfast and I was taking out the garbage, but when I opened the door I saw a puppy there. Right when I saw it I yelled, it was kind of funny. My family and I thought the dog
got out of its owner’s house
and it smelled the bacon that we had for breakfast so it came here hoping for some bacon.
(We ended up bring the dog to the ASPCA, a shelter for lost dogs)
The Choking Hazards
Once, when I was really young, my sister Haley had some candy and I asked my mom if I could have some, but she said “No, Those are choking hazards.” And I asked again a couple more times and one day I asked “Can I have one of those choking hazards?” My
mom thought that was funny.
How Are The Saints Doing?
My mom says I am very good at talking about things other people I’m talking to like, for
example. One time I was with my granddad and he was watching me, I wanted to start up a conversation with him so I
asked “How are the saints doing?” (The saints are my city’s football team) my family thought that was very funny
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When people say giving is better than receiving they are talking about me. Giving someone one of my exploding presents is WAY better than receiving one. ;)
Posts: 2871 | From: New Orleans, Louisiana, USA | Registered: Nov 2011
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Amy Sue Smurfette
Nurturer Smurf / The Odd Smurf
Member # 4050
Member Rated:
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posted 12-08-2011 10:24 AM
LOL love the choking hazards! :-)
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we're all someone's little fangirl.
Posts: 903 | From: fah fah aweeey... | Registered: Oct 2011
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Jokie Smurf
Jokie Smurf22 / Chloette / Elton John Smurf / My dog Padfoot
Member # 4119
Member Rated:
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posted 12-08-2011 12:02 PM
My mom told me that, I can't remember doing it but she can.
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When people say giving is better than receiving they are talking about me. Giving someone one of my exploding presents is WAY better than receiving one. ;)
Posts: 2871 | From: New Orleans, Louisiana, USA | Registered: Nov 2011
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Sportette
Bakette
Member # 4102
Member Rated:
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posted 12-08-2011 04:19 PM
nice jokes
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Seether karma and effect
Posts: 2007 | From: Buffalo,NY | Registered: Nov 2011
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Jokie Smurf
Jokie Smurf22 / Chloette / Elton John Smurf / My dog Padfoot
Member # 4119
Member Rated:
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posted 12-08-2011 04:52 PM
Thanx bakette.
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When people say giving is better than receiving they are talking about me. Giving someone one of my exploding presents is WAY better than receiving one. ;)
Posts: 2871 | From: New Orleans, Louisiana, USA | Registered: Nov 2011
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Smurfy1For2
Blue Believer
Member # 1224
Member Rated:
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posted 12-09-2011 03:56 AM
LOL Jokie Smurf22!!
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u wished u rocked as i
Posts: 1969 | From: Fairfield, VA | Registered: Nov 2005
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Animator Smurf
Sam Gamgee Smurf
Member # 3898
Member Rated:
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posted 12-10-2011 07:41 AM
Smurfy! Here are some I know;
What room do Smurfs eat Smurfberry porridge in?
The Mushroom!
What are Greedy Smurf's favourite words?
More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More More
What did Lazy Smurf say to the Bee?
BBBUUUUUUUUZZZZZZZZZZZZ (Not long before falling asleep!)
Those are my three favourite jokes from 'The Smurfin' Guide to the Smurfs!'
 ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
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Metsu-Hadoken!
Posts: 1258 | From: Minas Tirith, Gondor | Registered: Sep 2011
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